New Umbrella Academy on the way (no pun intended).
Seaguy 2 and 3 on the way.
Devil's Due / Humanoids Press publishing deal.
David Mack adapting Philip K. Dick's "Electric Ant."
Boom! Studio's Farscape series, written by Rockne O'Bannon.
Mike Grell doing new Warlord ongoing series.
Hardback collections of Swamp Thing and Preacher!!!
Ennis and Dillon Punisher minseries.
Punisher War Zone red band trailer (tempered by the rumor that the director has been kicked out now that the filming is over and the editing is nearly finished).
Aranofsky directing new Robocop film.
Zoe Bell in Brubaker's Angel of Death online video series.
I want to be excited about Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan's Red Sonja film, but I just can't do it.
Machete film gets me all worked up, though!
I may be forgetting a thing or two...
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
We're Dying Even Faster...
BBC NEWS | Americas | US slips down development index
The report found that the US ranked 42nd in the world for life expectancy despite spending more on health care per person than any other country.
Overall, the American Human Development Report ranked the world's richest country 12th for human development.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Friday, July 04, 2008
Wanna Dress Your Children Like Cult-members? Have I Got the Site For You!
FLDS Dress
This site is dedicated to provide children with
clothing that meets the FLDS standards for modesty
and neatness. Our commitment is to offer quality,
handmade, modest, affordable clothing.
Each piece is made with joy and care.
Nightmarish...
They Bite! - Ugly Bug Faces
If alien life ever shows up and turns out to look like either insects or deep sea fish, then prepare for a long and bloody war.
If alien life ever shows up and turns out to look like either insects or deep sea fish, then prepare for a long and bloody war.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Some Sneaky Patriot Act Bullshit
A run for your money :: CHICAGO SUN-TIMES :: Terry Savage
You probably didn't notice this little provision inserted into the Heroes Act of 2008, passed by Congress on June 17.
The headlines in the press release about the law were about the increased benefits for veterans and families of deceased military.
But Richard Kohan of Price WaterhouseCoopers drew my attention to one section of the act -- the portion that states anyone voluntarily giving up his or her citizenship will be taxed on ALL of his assets as if he or she had sold them -- paying capital gains on assets that have increased in value, even though they have not been sold!
That's right. While everyone in the media is focused on keeping aliens out of America, Congress has voted to lock its citizens -- or at least a good portion of their assets -- into -- America! Maybe they're thinking that patriotism won't be enough to keep the smart money from recognizing the coming increases in the tax burden.
Some People (You Know Who) Are Freaking Idiots...
Bill Nye in Waco
The Emmy-winning scientist angered a few audience members when he
criticized literal interpretation of the biblical verse Genesis 1:16,
which reads: “God made two great lights — the greater light to govern
the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the
stars.”He pointed out that the sun, the “greater light,” is but one of
countless stars and that the “lesser light” is the moon, which really
is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light.A number of audience members left the room at that point, visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence.
“We believe in a God!” exclaimed one woman as she left the room with three young children.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
That's Just Damned Strange...
`The Fly' opera is buzz of Paris season
Cronenberg, who is directing the opera, wasn't sure what effect it would have.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Shit.
George Carlin mourned as a counterculture hero
Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Health
Center in Santa Monica on Sunday afternoon complaining of chest pain
and died later that evening, said his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He had
performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas. He was 71.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Ah, Religious Cults...
Boy 'skinned, eaten by family' | The Australian
A MOTHER is accused of partially skinning her caged son and feeding it to relatives.
Ms Mauerova, a member of the Grail Movement cult, caged Ondrej for months while relatives, also members of the cult, ate his raw flesh, a judge heard yesterday.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Very Good Advice Here...
How to Keep Cool without Running Your AC: Scientific American
Beyond moving the air around to keep cool, the website WikiHow.com lists several tips for using water to keep cool sans AC. One tried and true method is to wet your wrists and other pulse points with cold water, and then keep those spots cool by holding an ice cube wrapped in a face cloth against them. The relief is immediate, and this method will cool down the entire body—by as much as three degrees Fahrenheit—for upwards of an hour. Another WikiHow suggestion: Wear a short-sleeved shirt and keep the sleeves wet with cold water (from a squirt bottle, faucet or hose). Keeping the pant legs of long pants wet is also a good way to keep your legs cool. Add in a breeze or a fan, and you can actually get cold.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
This just gets weirder and weirder...
Sixth foot washes up in B.C.
VANCOUVER -- Yet another human foot encased in a running shoe has washed up on B.C.'s south coast, intensifying a macabre mystery that has flummoxed police and forensic investigators.
It's the second foot to turn up this week and the sixth in less than a year.
Online?
So after getting the super new machine I immediately infected it with the same virus/bug/whatever that goaded me into killing my old machine. I've spent the past 4 or 5 days running virus scans, spyware scans, and malware scans, deleting files, rebooting in Safe Mode and repeating all those steps, but to no avail.
Then last night, Ad-Aware and Norton both updated their bug definitions and after a quick scan of both in Safe Mode it appears that I am bug-free.
I still feel a little jittery and untrusting.
But it seems that the new super cool machine is working now. Which hopefully means I can start updating the blog more often and actually get more reviews written, as well as trying to get another creative project organized. We'll see.
Then last night, Ad-Aware and Norton both updated their bug definitions and after a quick scan of both in Safe Mode it appears that I am bug-free.
I still feel a little jittery and untrusting.
But it seems that the new super cool machine is working now. Which hopefully means I can start updating the blog more often and actually get more reviews written, as well as trying to get another creative project organized. We'll see.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Yes, Mr. Martini, You Were Right...
Chicago chef is tops!
After mocking Mr. Martini's affection for this show (Top Chef, for the uninitiated) I gave it a shot one evening while bored, and maybe a little drunk.
And I was hooked.
I was a fan of Richard from the very beginning (which for me, was probably about 5 episodes in), despite his annoying faux-hawk, and was happy to see him make it to the final three.
Good showings from everyone last night, and the winner (who's name I won't reveal here - it's in the link) really did deserve to win.
I guess that means you know it wasn't Lisa. Heh heh.
4% of the call-in vote. Priceless.
edit: No. Mr. Martini is not an affectionate name for my alcoholic tendencies. He's real. Sort of. You'd have to ask him about that.
After mocking Mr. Martini's affection for this show (Top Chef, for the uninitiated) I gave it a shot one evening while bored, and maybe a little drunk.
And I was hooked.
I was a fan of Richard from the very beginning (which for me, was probably about 5 episodes in), despite his annoying faux-hawk, and was happy to see him make it to the final three.
Good showings from everyone last night, and the winner (who's name I won't reveal here - it's in the link) really did deserve to win.
I guess that means you know it wasn't Lisa. Heh heh.
4% of the call-in vote. Priceless.
edit: No. Mr. Martini is not an affectionate name for my alcoholic tendencies. He's real. Sort of. You'd have to ask him about that.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Hints of 'time before Big Bang'
This is very interesting.
Their model suggests that new universes could be created spontaneously from apparently empty space. From inside the parent universe, the event would be surprisingly unspectacular.
Updating...updating...
So did you hear the one about the computer that refused to boot? There's no joke there. Just the sad fact that my computer is dead. Try as I might, the hard drive would not take the boot.ini file no matter how many times I rebuilt it. No matter how many times.
On the plus side, though, I was able to salvage just about everything that I wanted desperately to salvage, and a new machine is on the way. A modern machine. Not a piece of equipment I hobbled together out of spare parts.
So yay, me!
This also means that since it was the hard drive that went kaput, the rest of the machine is in fine working order. So Dr. Girlfriend gets an upgrade!
I am typing this from the shell and guts of my old machine but with her tired old machine's brain. And it works! I actually touched a piece of computer equipment and didn't kill it!
Which can't be said for the guts of her old machine. I tried slotting my damaged hard drive into it, with the hope of reinstalling XP and salvaging a BUNCH of stuff (replaceable stuff - but a lot of it), and instead killed her machine dead. No power. Nothing.
Sorry, Doc.
On the plus side, though, I was able to salvage just about everything that I wanted desperately to salvage, and a new machine is on the way. A modern machine. Not a piece of equipment I hobbled together out of spare parts.
So yay, me!
This also means that since it was the hard drive that went kaput, the rest of the machine is in fine working order. So Dr. Girlfriend gets an upgrade!
I am typing this from the shell and guts of my old machine but with her tired old machine's brain. And it works! I actually touched a piece of computer equipment and didn't kill it!
Which can't be said for the guts of her old machine. I tried slotting my damaged hard drive into it, with the hope of reinstalling XP and salvaging a BUNCH of stuff (replaceable stuff - but a lot of it), and instead killed her machine dead. No power. Nothing.
Sorry, Doc.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Maybe this doesn't seem like a large number to you, but ...
16% of US science teachers are creationists
Which means that they are idiots and not qualified to be teaching science. For fuck's sake.
The researchers polled a random sample of nearly 2000 high-school science teachers across the US in 2007. Of the 939 who responded, 2% said they did not cover evolution at all, with the majority spending between 3 and 10 classroom hours on the subject.
However, a quarter of the teachers also reported spending at least some time teaching about creationism or intelligent design. Of these, 48% – about 12.5% of the total survey – said they taught it as a "valid, scientific alternative to Darwinian explanations for the origin of species".
Which means that they are idiots and not qualified to be teaching science. For fuck's sake.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
No no no no no no no...
Nic Cage to star in 'Bad Lieutenant' - Entertainment News, Film News, Media - Variety
Why, Werner? Why?
Nicolas Cage will star in an updated version of 1992's "Bad Lieutenant" with Werner Herzog directing, Edward R. Pressman producing and Avi Lerner's Nu Image/Millennium Films financing.
Why, Werner? Why?
My State Sucks...
West Virginians choose Clinton, as race plays a larger role - International Herald Tribune
And even better...
This makes me sick.
The number of white Democratic voters who said race had influenced their choices on Tuesday was among the highest recorded in voter surveys in the nomination fight. Two in 10 white West Virginia voters said race was an important factor in their votes. More than 8 in 10 who said it factored in their votes backed Clinton, according to exit polls.
And even better...
Although exit polls in other states have indicated that many Clinton supporters, including many whites, would back him in the fall, more than half of West Virginia voters said they would be dissatisfied if Obama won the nomination, according to the surveys by Edison/Mitofsky.
This makes me sick.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
I'm not even sure how this would work...
3 accused of using corpse's head to smoke pot | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle
Ah, this might explain things:
Jones claimed he and his friends used shovels to dig up the body and removed the corpse's head with a garden tool, Adkins said. Jones also revealed he and the other two boys took the severed head to the juvenile's home, where they used the skull as a "bong" to smoke marijuana, the officer said.
Ah, this might explain things:
The three boys, all home-schooled . . .
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Yes, you read that correctly...
Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital
"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Oh my...
BBC NEWS | Wales | North West Wales | Drunk Darth Vader's Jedi assault
Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, from Holyhead, Anglesey, admitted assaulting Barney Jones and cousin Michael with a metal crutch. They suffered minor injuries.
Hughes, who was drunk and dressed in a black bin bag, shouted "Darth Vader!"
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Oklahoma Is A Bad Place To Get Arrested...
Sheriff accused of using inmates as sex slaves
The allegations against Sheriff Michael Burgess, who resigned after 35 charges of rape, bribery, kidnapping and subordination of perjury were filed on Wednesday, show a disturbing pattern of using his badge to force vulnerable women to do his bidding.
The married 55-year-old grandfather is accused of forcing inmates and convicts to have sex with him in his office, his cruiser, their homes, hotels and even the house of a friend who was away on holiday.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Movie Night
So The Girlfriend and I decided to sit down and watch a movie tonight. Having a free rental to use, we agreed that Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem looked like it could be fun (if not intelligent). We both enjoyed the first one, and this was the unrated version, which loudly proclaimed from the box, "More blood, more guts, more gore!" How could we pass it up, really?
Well, maybe there was more blood, guts, and gore. We couldn't tell. The lighting in the film was so freaking awful that we couldn't even see what people were eating at lunch in broad daylight by a picture window in a diner. We were both surprised when a shadow moved and spoke when some pizzas were delivered, because there was no way of knowing there was a black guy sitting on the couch. We couldn't tell if the other shadow was a man or a woman.
You see how dark the poster is? How you can barely tell what's what? Imagine 90 minutes or so of that. I'm not exaggerating. The amount of darkness compared to the amount of light on that poster is pretty much the same in 90 % of the film.
I can understand keeping the lighting low in order to make the scares more scary or to cover up poor costuming (we are dealing with Aliens and Predators, here), but we should be able to see people's faces when they're standing outside in the middle of the day chatting about whatever people chat about in the daylight.
There was really no point in watching it.
So, The Girlfriend turned to me and said, "How about watching The Mist?"
I've been meaning to watch it for a while, but keep forgetting about it (or have things to do, like grade papers or write reviews or whatever). So I grabbed it and stuck it in the DVD player.It was freaking great. I haven't seen a horror film that really drew me in like this in ages. I blame the Stephen King factor, where he can take simple situations and characters and make them work on a gut level. And the ending was brutal. I'm not going to say anything else about it, because I don't want to spoil it, but this was well worth the time spent watching.
Seriously. If you haven't seen it, put it at the top of your Netflix queue now. You won't be sorry.
From what I understand, the two-disc version includes the entire film in black and white on the second disc, giving it a classic horror kind of feel. I'm very tempted to watch it again that way and see which I prefer. But honestly, it was so good in color, I can't really believe that it would be better in black and white.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
"Society has the problem"
Incest couple: Society has the problem | The Australian
The couple spoke last night about the death of their first child, Jackson, in 2001.
Mr Deaves said the death of the four-day-old boy from a heart defect had nothing to do with the genetics of their relationship.
"There's dozens of babies born every year that have this complaint or similar complaints," he said.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
News From New Zealand
Man charged after teen bashed with hedgehog
"The man was arrested shortly afterwards for assault with a weapon, namely the hedgehog."
It was not known whether the hedgehog was dead or alive when thrown on February 19, but it was dead when collected as evidence.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
She Needs More of Ze Punishment!
Priceless.
Possible Nazi Theme of Grand Prix Boss’s Orgy Draws Calls to Quit - New York Times
Possible Nazi Theme of Grand Prix Boss’s Orgy Draws Calls to Quit - New York Times
In a video the paper posted on the Internet but later removed, two of the women wore black-and-white striped robes in the style of prisoners’ uniforms. The video showed Mr. Mosley counting in German — “Eins! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Funf!” — as he used a leather strap to lash one of the women.
“She needs more of ze punishment!” he cried in German-accented English. One woman appeared to search his hair for lice while another called off items on an inspection list. Mr. Mosley, naked, was bound face-down and lashed more than 20 times.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Helter Skelter
That's Senator Mike Gravel, Libertarian candidate for US President, on lead vocals.
I really don't know what to make of this.
Cushing / Lee Update
Looks like we've decided on the films, and it IS going to be a Hammer Horror Festival. Plus, not only are we going to be watching films with both Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee in them, all the chosen films are directed by the brilliant Terence Fisher.
Score!
Here's the lineup:
Monday, May 26: The Curse of Frankentstein (1957) and Horror of Dracula (1958)
Tuesday, May 27: The Mummy (1959) and The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959)
I can't wait! Of course, depending on work schedules, this might get bumped to Tuesday and Wednesday, instead. We'll see.
Score!
Here's the lineup:
Monday, May 26: The Curse of Frankentstein (1957) and Horror of Dracula (1958)
Tuesday, May 27: The Mummy (1959) and The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959)
I can't wait! Of course, depending on work schedules, this might get bumped to Tuesday and Wednesday, instead. We'll see.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Poltergeist Activity Explained?
'They're here': The mechanism of poltergeist activity - fundamentals - 01 April 2008 - New Scientist
Best line:
Best line:
We contacted Brian Josephson, a Nobel laureate physicist who is on the editorial board of Neuroquantology.
"This looks distinctly flaky to me," Josephson commented.
Freaking Brilliant!
Wooster Collective: Street Art At Its Best #3: Plastic Bag Animals
I wish we had a subway around here.
I wish we had a subway around here.
Cool Picture of the Day Observation
It kind of looks like Malcolm X is watching Pres. Bush from that window.
I'm very tired.
I'm very tired.
It's Over At Last...
Well, that was fun.
Zombie marathons are something I should do more often. But maybe not for a week and a half at a time, though. I'm exhausted. It'll be nice to just sit and not watch a movie tonight.
Although, we've already begun planning a special night's double feature to celebrate the birthdays of Peter Cushing (May 26) and Christopher Lee (May 27). Since we just watched Horror Express, that's out, so we need to find a couple of good movies with the dynamic duo in them. Preferably things we haven't seen before.
I'm pretty sure this means a Hammer Horror night.
The search is on!
Zombie marathons are something I should do more often. But maybe not for a week and a half at a time, though. I'm exhausted. It'll be nice to just sit and not watch a movie tonight.
Although, we've already begun planning a special night's double feature to celebrate the birthdays of Peter Cushing (May 26) and Christopher Lee (May 27). Since we just watched Horror Express, that's out, so we need to find a couple of good movies with the dynamic duo in them. Preferably things we haven't seen before.
I'm pretty sure this means a Hammer Horror night.
The search is on!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Marathon Grand Finale!!Les Revenants / They Came Back (2004)
It's French. Do I need to say more?
Okay.
It's French and intellectual. But seriously. This was pretty good, even if there was no brain munching. Essentially, everyone who's died over the past 10 years just suddenly came walking out of the cemeteries where they were buried. No decay or strange hungers; just absent stares and an urge to go walking around at night, meet up with other previously dead folks, and mumble to each other. It's kind of like suddenly having millions of autistic people suddenly wanting back into your life after you've gotten over the whole grieving process and moved on with your life.
There were quite a few genuinely creepy moments, and a few just plain odd ones. It's well worth a viewing, especially if you have some wine and cheese to accompany the creeping ennui.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Out! Out Damn Nipple!
I was just mentioning something like this to The Girlfriend the other day at the store. I was wondering if magazines could show topless ladies on their covers without fear if the nipples were airbrushed away.
Looks like some places even get rid of mens' nipples.
Looks like some places even get rid of mens' nipples.
Splatterday
Graveyard Alive: A Zombie Nurse in Love (2003)Well, that was cute. Another very short (78 minutes or so) Canadian zombie flick bites the dust. This one, however, was actually worth a look. It wasn't great, don't get me wrong, but the writer/director, Elza Kephart (the only woman filmmaker on the list), was actually able to frame her shots, use dramatic lighting, and generally make the film look a lot more expensive than it probably was.
She also stuck to black and white film, which was a seriously good idea. Not only did it allow for easier multiple use of redressed sets to save money, they were able to get away with cheaper effects.
This is the story of a lonely, nerdy nurse who falls in love with a sick woodsman. The woodsman has a strange disease that causes him to decay, stink, and really want to get laid. He caught it by being bitten by some small creature he found inside a tree he'd cut down. We never see the creature, but it sounded cute.
Anyway, the janitor of the hospital knows all about zombies, so he takes care of zombie woodsman; but not before he nips Nurse Patsy's finger. Then, as you may have guessed, Nurse Patsy goes from nerdy to sexy. Well, nerdy-sexy, I guess. All the guys want her, but she has her unbeating heart set on the engaged Doctor Dox. Romantic troubles ensue, along with flesh-eating troubles.
This really wasn't bad for a very low-budget film. I mean, the performances weren't great, and the script was pretty simple and avoided a lot of dialogue. There were quite a few parts of this that felt like a silent film. But then someone would say something silly, awkwardly, and the spell would be broken. But it looked very good.
And it kicked the crap out of Enter... Zombie King, that's for sure. Somehow. I'm still kind of confused about how a Zombie Nurse in Love beats out Mexican Wrestlers Fighting Zombies. It's a world gone all topsy-turvy.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Festering Friday
Enter. . . Zombie King! / Zombie Beach Party (2003)You would think that a film made in Canada about Mexican Wrestlers fighting zombies could be entertaining for at least part of its 75 minute runtime. But in fact, that is not the case.
Even with the smattering of boobies and scantily-clad ladies throughout, this film was about as lifeless as, um, well, you know.
I really don't understand how this couldn't be something I could recommend. It has everything and it's not even very long. But that was one long hour and fifteen minutes, let me tell you.
The script has good bones, I'll give it that. The idea here is that Ulysses, the all-American hero, has been driving cross-country to visit friends. Although the film is set in California (I think), it was filmed in Canada and there's snow everywhere. This is played off as some sort of possibly apocalyptic event, where the weather is unpredictable and crazy with 80 degree temperatures but snow! I liked the idea, but it doesn't actually have anything to do with the plot (what there is of a plot). It's just a throwaway excuse for having snow everywere.
Anyway, Ulysses' rival, Tiki, is traveling around wrestling zombies for money. What people don't realize though, is that Tiki's zombies are domesticated and really aren't dangerous. So when there is an actual zombie killing, Tiki's zombies get blamed, so Tiki goes off to find out who's behind it. Blue Saint, the brother of Ulysses' "girlfriend' Mercedes, goes off half-cocked to find Tiki, who he thinks killed his father years earlier.
Needless to say, they all meet up and make peace, so they can fight the real enemy... Zombie King! He also used to be Ulysses' partner I think. I had to go pee during that part and really didn't see the need to pause the film.
Zombie mayhem ensues, enhanced by liberal flashes of boobs and the occasional rockabilly song. Everything happens just like you imagine it would, only a lot more amateurishly and with worse acting and direction.
Surely it's not that expensive to borrow a Mac and some editing software and at least try to make your film look interesting. Just some flashy dissolves and playing around with the color correction could have livened it up a bit. They should have used all that money they spent on cheap special effects, because that was sure wasted. I mean, look at that poster. If half as much creativity went into the filming as went into the poster, this would be a classic.
Although it pains me, I have to rank this one on par with the Piece of Shit That Shall Not Be Named. This wasn't as offensively stupid and did have some good ideas and a couple of funny moments, but PoSTSNBN had a lot more gore. It's a trade-off. If I had to sit through one of them again, though, it would be Enter... Zombie King.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Tribulation Thursday Double Feature
Fido (2006)This was excellent! Very funny alternate 1950s set after The Zombie Wars. If you liked Lassie movies (or didn't like them at all), this is pretty cute. But then it's Billy Connolly as the "tame" zombie, Fido, so it's going to be good, right?
You know I am.
This is the story of a "weird" kid named Timmy (played by K'Sun Ray (no, seriously, that's his name)) with no friends, a dad with a zombie phobia, a mom (Carrie-Anne Moss) with social-climbing anxieties, and their new servant zombie, Fido.
But it's not just cute zombie jokes. There are some just freaking wrong things going on here; most notably, Tim Blake Nelson's relationship with his young female zombie slave, Tammy. Granted, she was kind of hot, for a nasty dead cannibal, but still. That's just not right.
And I just couldn't stop imagining Timmy's dad (played by Dylan Baker of Happiness) explaining to young Timmy why he would never fuck him, just his friends. But he still loves him.
Moving right along...
Battlefield Baseball (2003)
So I thought this would be more serious. Which I know sounds kind of dumb in itself since the film is called Battlefield Baseball, but really. I was expecting something with jokes, but with action and violence more along the lines of Versus, since it was written and directed by that film's co-writer, Yudai Yamaguchi, or at least something more like Kung Fu Hustle (but I guess that's just because that director, Stephen Chow, is responsible for Shaolin Soccer). But this is pretty much a straight on comedy, with zombie undertones and plenty of off-screen violence.
But, with that said, I still laughed a lot. It played with many of the conventions of sports films, especially the whole "Dads and Baseball" meme that apparently can make just about any man but me cry like a baby. It's based on a manga, and most of the acting and effects are exaggerated to match the comic's original presentation.
It's the story of Jubeh, a troubled kid who's sworn never to play baseball again, after his super-pitch blew a hole in his dad, killing him. Now he transfers from school to school, starting fights and creating a reputation for being a troublemaker. In fact, he's a noble baseball warrior and is recruited by his new school's principal to join the baseball team because they are about to play the evil Gedo team, who always kill all of their opponents. That's all I"m going to say about that.
All in all, if you're not looking for lots of zombie gore and violence, but just want a pretty entertaining comedy with unexplained zombie elements, this is one to check out. It was everything that the Piece of Shit That Shall Not Be Named wanted to be. Maybe the Japanese are just funnier than the Germans?
Could be.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Woeful Wednesday Double Feature
Italian Double Feature:
City of the Living Dead /Gates of Hell (1980)
Just a few quick comments. Maybe more later. I would have named this film Entrails Vomiting Maggot Storm. I liked that it took place in Dunwich, but jeez, after giving so much time and attention to the New Yorkers, I was expecting them to play a larger part, or any part, in closing the Gates of Hell.
Demons (1985)
We had company last night who had to leave before this finished. If you're reading this, you missed a guy on a motorcycle using a samurai sword to kill demons, while his girl rode behind him. Then a mad dash through a desolate city, chased by demons, while the music of Saxon played.
Awesome.
But only a little.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Terrifying Tuesday Double Feature
Bob Clark Double Feature:Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972)
I really wasn't sure what to make of this film as it started. I hated the characters and thought they were way too quick with the insults and the melodramatic speeches. But then I remembered my time as a theater student and suddenly it all was much more believable.
In the film, a group of actors and actresses go to a little island off the coast of Miami in order to dig up a body and perform a magic spell, summoning corpses for their own personal use as servants. Of course nothing comes of their attempts until the final 20 minutes of the film, so if you watch this one, be prepared for a bit of a wait.
It is satisfying, though. Director Bob Clark (of Black Christmas, Porky's, and A Christmas Story fame), does a fine job with creating a mood with very little budget, and the screenplay by Alan Ormsby (writer/director of Deranged, and writer of films like My Bodyguard, Porky's II, and Cat People) is spot on with how theater people interact: meaning, lots of bitchy sniping, a constant barrage of snappy jokes that are only rarely funny, and the occasional breaking into song. It reminded me of why I got out of theater and into English.
By the time the zombies show up, I had actually begun to care about the characters and was really hoping that the pompous ass of a theater director, played by Ormsby, would get eaten alive. Unfortunately, he and the unhinged hippie-chick Anya (played by Ormsby's real-life wife, Anya Ormsby), are the last to survive, before an ending that brought Cronenberg's Shivers to mind. Only without the directorial rooting for the zombies to win.
All in all, this was a pretty good story, with an emphasis on character and manipulation. Alan uses the threat of firing everyone from his acting troupe to keep them in line and doing his bidding. It's a hammy performance, but fit the character. The ending is as bleak as any out there, with the added nice touch of being able to see the Miami skyline as the zombies pile onto a boat, ready to head off to the city.
My favorite line in the film: "I peed my pants," repeated over and over again when appropriate. Excellent timing. Nicely done.
Deathdream / Dead of Night (1972)
The Bob and Alan show continues with their later-that-same-year follow-up, Deathdream, aka Dead of Night, aka Night Walk, etc. etc. This was excellent from start to finish. In this variation on the classic "Monkey's Paw" story, Andy is killed in Viet Nam, but his mother wills him back to life without even realizing it. But suddenly he's home, pale, withdrawn, and harboring serious anger issues.
Most of the cast of Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things make appearances here, most notably Anya shows up playing Andy's sister. This is a family with issues, let me tell you. Watch this film and you'll start having serious doubts about all those times your parents told you they loved you and your siblings equally. Here, Adam is definitely mom's favorite, at one point even spilling out her resentment of her daughter for "going to your Father. You haven't come to me since you were five!" Yikes!
And dad (played by John Marley, famous for recieving a horse's head in his bed in The Godfather) apparently pushed Andy to join the military so he wouldn't become a momma's boy. I guess he didn't realize that NOT being a "momma's boy" means stabbing, clawing, and biting people to death and then injecting himself with their blood to maintain his boyish good looks. Hmmm. That does kind of sound like a momma's boy, doesn't it?
Good performances from everyone involved here (especially from Richard Backus, as Andy) are what really make this one special, plus the not-so-subtle criticism of the Viet Nam War. The subtext deals with familial guilt with sending children off to war, and the drug addiction and post-traumatic stress disorders that were fairly commonplace with returning soldiers. When Andy shouts, "I died for you! You owe me this!" before stabbing someone to death and injecting their blood, it's a ballsy and powerful moment.
This film gets special points for being the film debut of Tom Savini's make-up work, even if most of the work was done by Alan Ormsby. How can it be a zombie marathon without Savini's work being included at some point?
Monday, March 24, 2008
Merciless Monday
Dead & Buried (1981)
Dan O'Bannon delivers the goods with this screenplay. This film had three "Oh shit!" moments in the first 12 minutes. Four if you count the sudden appearance of boobies.
So far during this marathon, we've seen a wide variety of zombie types and good range of approaches to the genre. But only 3 or 4 have really stood out as good films beyond their horror categorization. This is one of them. It is now second only to I Walked With a Zombie in our hearts.
If you're looking for plot twists and sneaky surprises, this one has them one after the other. Plus, the dialogue is believable and the characters are likable. Even the bad guys have enough personality to make them interesting characters beyond their questionable deeds. And there are some very questionable deeds.
I really like the fact that this is more of a voudou zombie story than the brain-eater variety, and that there are enough clues scattered throughout the story to allow for the viewer to figure out what's going on at about the same pace that the Sheriff does. In fact, about 10 minutes before the finale, I turned to my girlfriend and said "I know how I'd end this if I were writing it." As it turns out, that's how O'Bannon would have ended the story too. In fact, this was so well put together, that the story moved like clockwork and each new revelation built on what came before and laid perfect groundwork for what came next.
Can you tell I'm trying to talk about this without spoiling anything? It's hard to do since everything is so well crafted. Revealing any specific plot points could ruin others, so I'll just come to conclusion now and say that this was a good one. A very good one.
Plus, not only is it scary, surprising, and very strange (in an EC Comics kind of way), you can play spot the supporting actor, since there are quite a few familiar faces in this one. No one extremely famous, although Freddy Kruger is probably the most recognizable. If you're a Flash Gordon fan, you'll also see someone you should recognize in a pretty important role. Don't blink or you'll miss a Northern Exposure regular.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Resurrection Sunday
Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue) (1974)Aaaah. That's so much better than last night's piece of shit I don't know where to begin.
First, this film takes the time to establish and build the characters before sending them into a zombie nightmare. And there's a slow building up of tension as the film progresses. Characters have believable problems and interactions, and while they may not be the most admirable (in fact, the main character, George, is a bit of a prick at times), you can at least accept that you might run into people like this. You know, if you lived in London back in the very early 70s.
The cinematography is beautiful, and we get very nice shots of the English countryside as our main characters head away from the city and into the isolation that ratchets up the horror a notch or two. There's an ecological message to the film, that is characterized by George and his diatribes against technology. I also liked the conflict between George's beliefs and those of the hard-ass cop, who believes that the country's going into the shitter and what's needed is a "strong hand" to make things better. You know, like in the old days, before all these hippie faggots started spreading their filth.
There is enough art and style in the scene where our heroes are first confronted and trapped by the living dead to block out the memories of last night's piece of shit (the film what will not be named). These creatures are newly dead, and while they lumber along sometimes, they also pounce pretty quickly when they're ready to kill you, tear your guts out, and eat them over your corpse. Your corpse that will then come back to life sometime later and do the same to others, whether a hard-ass old bastard of a cop believes in you or not.
And when the gore starts, it's not overwhelming, but it's definitely disturbing. The guts-ripping is now a standard effect, but it's combined here with shots of the zombies actually pausing to enjoy their meal, munching on organs with vacant stares. It was pretty damn creepy. And when they get to the hospital, later in the film, pity the poor nurse. In what is a disturbingly misogynistic piece of violence, her breast is torn off and consumed, while at the same time, a zombie reaches down her skirt and pulls gory meat out. I can only assume that it grabbed her by the va-jay-jay and yanked everything it could out and up.
!!!!!!
Horrifying and with a nicely ironic, if bleak, ending. This is what a good zombie film should be. Even if there's fun to be had (as in Braindead or Shaun of the Dead), there's still a serious quality to the events. That's what make zombie films such existential classics when they really work. The humor and the horror go hand in hand in absurdist glory.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Holy Shit Saturday
Premutos: Lord of the Living Dead (1997)
Well, that was a piece of shit.
No seriously. That was kind of like watching that Fox News comedy pilot that tried to be like a conservative Daily Show. You remember? It would do something really unfunny and then it's defenders would say something like "Well you thought it was funny when John Stewart did it." And you were like, "No, when John Stewart does it, it's funny. That wasn't funny. You don't know what you're doing, you unfunny piece of shit!" And they go, "You're just liberally biased and can dish it out but can't take it." And you go, "No you stupid fuck. That wasn't funny. It was offensive. You don't understand comedy you stupid stupid fuck."
Or something like that. But with splatter films instead of comedy. If that makes any sense.
I guess the writer/director, Olaf Ittenbach, has a love for good splatter films, since he tried to do little homages to a variety of them, but they're just awful. And there's a lot of "comedy" in this. A lot of very unfunny "comedy" that had me wanting to gouge my eyes out. It doesn't help that the DVD had two soundtracks, one in the original German (with no subtitles), and one in horribly dubbed English. And when I say horribly dubbed, I mean what the fuck were they thinking? It sounds like four guys doing funny voices while they watched the movie. And why did the one chick have a British accent? Who knows? Why was there a very long sex scene stuck in the middle of the film? Why didn't it ever end?
And what the fuck was up with that dinner party? It lasted for nearly half the film and all took place around a coffee table. Six people crammed around a coffee table acting drunk and talking shit to each other. I couldn't wait for the zombies to show up and kill all their asses. But instead of that, the horrible step-father with the weapon collection grabs his Conan Sword (I shit thee not) and starts hacking up zombies while everyone else runs to the barn.
Later there's a tank attack, too. Because he apparently kept a tank in the garage.
Don't get me wrong though. Reading over that, one might get the impression that this would be worth watching just for the crazy shit. It's not.
This was artless and annoying.
And those cool-looking ghouls on the cover up there? Not in the film. Nowhere to be seen. In fact, when Premutos, The Lord of the Living Dead, does show up, he looks like they wrapped the actors head in bandages and then covered him in gore and fake teeth. Then they added his blue lightning eyes in post-production.
Yes, I said it. Blue lightning eyes.
The only thing positive about this piece of shit movie was the scope of the story. Premutos has been trying to manifest himself in this world for centuries and we get flashback after flashback, showing him almost getting here, but being stopped somehow. Usually with the narrative grace of a kick to the nuts (and yes, there is a kick to the nuts in this film). And, in true Easter spirit, we got to see the crucifixion of Christ for some reason. Apparently it was the power of Premutos that resurrected him? I don't know. Maybe there was actual decent dialogue and motivations in the German version. But there were NO FUCKING SUBTITLES! So we had to watch it with the WORST DUBBING EVER IN THE HISTORY OF DUBBING!!
I shit thee not.
That was one of the worst viewing experiences I've ever had. And if you go to the IMDB page linked above and see some stupid fucks comparing this to Braindead (Dead Alive), just know that these stupid fucks knows nothing. They see blood and exploding heads and get hard. They know nothing of how a story works or what is funny. This was not funny. And the gore, while excessive, wasn't very impressive either. Mentioning this piece of shit in the same breath as Braindead is blasphemy. It is more in line, budget-wise, with Bad Taste, but Bad Taste was still miles better than this crap, because Peter Jackson knew how to set up a shot, how to light a shot, and how to tell a story.
Holy Shit Saturday, indeed.
Gruesome Friday
I Walked With a Zombie (1943)
This is a classic horror film, produced by the legendary Val Lewton and directed by the brilliant Jacques Tourneur, both of whom were also responsible for the original Cat People. Tourneur also directed one of my personal favorites, Night of the Demon. This film is a tale of two brothers, the woman who came between them, the nurse who's come to help out, and the mother who did something she regrets. It actually has more in common with Jane Eyre than with White Zombie.
This goes all the way back to the source, and we are dealing with Voudou folks. No brain-eating, or shambling horrors (although the one voudou zombie has the freakiest eyes I've seen in a while), or anything we've come to expect since Romero knocked it out of the park with his first try. Instead it's a reserved, character piece centered on love, jealousy, and family troubles. The setting is the West Indies on a sugar plantation and everything about this film is gorgeously shot.
There actually seems to be some attempt to treat voudou not as just some sort of freakshow, but as a folk religion, and there is never any real attempt to assert cultural authority one way or the other. By the end of the film, for all we know, magic and zombies are real. The central focus of the film is the inability to know Truth and the disruption of assumed Truths.
This is the best film we've watched so far, without a doubt. And it was only 69 minutes long.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Behind the Scenes
When prepping for the Zombie Marathon, we decided that we wanted to avoid films that we've seen before. This raised a small problem in that I've seen a lot of zombie films already. So we turned to Jaime Russell's Book of the Dead: The Complete History of Zombie Cinema to guide us to some classics (and some not-so-classics) that had slipped by me.
I cannot recommend this book enough. It covers the history of zombies in film, from 1932's White Zombie right up to Romero's Land of the Dead, with lots of insight into thematic concerns, appreciation of gore, and heaping piles of pictures. I don't always agree with the readings Russell provides of the films, but so what? He talks about so many that it's worth the low low price just to have such a complete list of films to explore.
My only beef is that Blue Sunshine doesn't have zombies in any sense of the word, but is still listed in here. But, the film is such a cult classic that I guess it might as well be included. Especially since there's a bit of gray area where movies like Blue Sunshine, The Crazies and 28 Days Later are involved. I'd classify them separately as Plague or Infection Films, but there are enough thematic connections to justify inclusion.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Moldy Thursday Double Feature
Horror Express (1973)
So Horror Express is a Spanish/UK co-production set in 1906 and starring Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee, with a special appearance by Telly Savalas as a crazy Cossack. It features a Rasputin-like Russian monk, a frozen (then de-thawed) missing link, a space parasite that's lived on earth since life began developing in the ooze, and, eventually, some zombies.
It sounds like a lot more fun than it is, although it does have it's moments. There are quite a few goofy-ass moments as well. Especially one involving the zombie Yeti's eye. You see, Cushing and Lee discover that by drawing out drops of eye juice (after the creature has been "killed") and putting them on a microscope slide, they can see the images that the creature has seen; this includes his last few moments alive, a brontosaurus and a pterodactyl, and finally, earth from outer space. This is how they figure out that they're dealing with an alien organism.
Oh, and it all takes place on a train bound from somewhere in China to Moscow.
It's not great, or even all that good, but is worth at least a viewing. My favorite part has to be Telly Savalas ranting some nonsense that I'm sure sounded good to him at the time, and then Christopher Lee's character saying "What is this nonsense?" Was he in character or critiquing Telly's performance? We may never know.
Blue Sunshine (1976)Well, there really aren't any zombies in this at all. There are, on the other hand, a bunch of bald psychopaths who are suffering from chromosomal damage and anger management issues thanks to a batch of acid they all took back in 67 or so. This was a cool little film by the director of the recent Satan's Little Helper (which is really more entertaining and which I would recommend over this one), Jeff Lieberman. This wasn't bad, but there were no zombies. But after years of hearing about his film, it was nice to actually see it.
If only there had been some zombies. Or even one walking corpse. It wouldn't have had to eat anyone or anything. Oh well. What it does have is a starring performance by Zalman King, the future maestro of erotic pay TV.
Eat of My Flesh Wednesday Double Feature
Let's Scare Jessica to Death ( 1971)
This movie is not so much a zombie film as it is a "resurrection" film. There's lots of nice atmosphere and Jessica is consistently on the verge of losing her mind. See, she's just out of a six month stint hospitalized with an unspecified mental problem, so when she starts hearing voices she's afraid to mention it to her husband and their friend. And it doesn't help that the hippie girl who's squatting in the house they've just bought looks just like a girl who drowned in the lake in 1880, or that she's hitting on Jessica's husband.
Throw in a bunch of hostile townies, all of whom are sporting odd bandages, and you've got a very odd little film. Turns out the ghost girl may be more of a vampire, since everyone turns up with ghastly scars later on. Or, maybe Jessica's just crazy. I'm not sure the filmmakers were really sure which way they wanted to go with it and thus, the ending lacks some effective punch, instead kind of draining away any tension and frightening energy.
Not a bad film, and very creepy at times, but disappointing in the end.
Zombie Honeymoon (2004)
I thought this was going to be a cheap bit of exploitation after the racy opening scenes of the young newlywed couple. But after the zombie shambles up out of the ocean and vomits black goo into Danny's mouth, and he dies but comes back to life, things get interesting (providing one can overlook details like the machine that goes ping reading no heartbeat - which shouldn't be a surprise as it's not attached to Danny). Danny starts eating people, but feels really bad about it and tries to hide it from his new bride, Denise. When she finds out, she has to decide whether to run like a sane person or stand by her man.
This was actually a pretty effective little film. Much more emotional than I expected, and not really played for the laughs that the DVD box led me to believe. It was actually much more satisfying than Let's Scare Jessica to Death, and actually had zombies. Bonus points for a romantic Last Supper on this most holy of days.
Unholy Week
So to celebrate Easter and the resurrection, we've decided to initiate a Zombie Film Marathon at our house!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
My Reviews: January - February 2008
FEBRUARY
X-Force #1
Fantastic Four #554
Evil Dead #2
Sword of Dracula/Vampirella One-Shot
The Twelve #2
Uncanny X-Men #495
Annihilation: Conquest #4
Silver Surfer: In Thy Name #4 (of 4)
Wormwood, Gentleman Corpse: Calamari Rising #1
JANUARY
With Great Power #1
Avengers: The Initiative #9
Young Avengers Presents #1
Fell #8
Incredible Hercules #113
Nova #10
Annihilation: Conquest #3
Amazing Spider-Man #546
End of Year Commentary Column: 2007
X-Force #1
Fantastic Four #554
Evil Dead #2
Sword of Dracula/Vampirella One-Shot
The Twelve #2
Uncanny X-Men #495
Annihilation: Conquest #4
Silver Surfer: In Thy Name #4 (of 4)
Wormwood, Gentleman Corpse: Calamari Rising #1
JANUARY
With Great Power #1
Avengers: The Initiative #9
Young Avengers Presents #1
Fell #8
Incredible Hercules #113
Nova #10
Annihilation: Conquest #3
Amazing Spider-Man #546
End of Year Commentary Column: 2007
My Reviews: October 2007
Monday, February 11, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Lab Route to Out-of-Body Experiences Blogs Scientific American Community
The Lab Route to Out-of-Body Experiences Blogs Scientific American Community
The experiments, described last August in studies by H. Henri Ehrsson and Olaf Blanke and colleagues in Science, demonstrate that out-of-body experiences, previously confined to the realms of psychiatry, fiction and the occult, occur when the normal processing of sensory information is disrupted. This research provides an important tool to understand how the feeling of self is generated by the brain.
The experiments, described last August in studies by H. Henri Ehrsson and Olaf Blanke and colleagues in Science, demonstrate that out-of-body experiences, previously confined to the realms of psychiatry, fiction and the occult, occur when the normal processing of sensory information is disrupted. This research provides an important tool to understand how the feeling of self is generated by the brain.
Monday, January 07, 2008
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