Festering Friday

Enter. . . Zombie King! / Zombie Beach Party (2003)

You would think that a film made in Canada about Mexican Wrestlers fighting zombies could be entertaining for at least part of its 75 minute runtime. But in fact, that is not the case.

Even with the smattering of boobies and scantily-clad ladies throughout, this film was about as lifeless as, um, well, you know.

I really don't understand how this couldn't be something I could recommend. It has everything and it's not even very long. But that was one long hour and fifteen minutes, let me tell you.

The script has good bones, I'll give it that. The idea here is that Ulysses, the all-American hero, has been driving cross-country to visit friends. Although the film is set in California (I think), it was filmed in Canada and there's snow everywhere. This is played off as some sort of possibly apocalyptic event, where the weather is unpredictable and crazy with 80 degree temperatures but snow! I liked the idea, but it doesn't actually have anything to do with the plot (what there is of a plot). It's just a throwaway excuse for having snow everywere.

Anyway, Ulysses' rival, Tiki, is traveling around wrestling zombies for money. What people don't realize though, is that Tiki's zombies are domesticated and really aren't dangerous. So when there is an actual zombie killing, Tiki's zombies get blamed, so Tiki goes off to find out who's behind it. Blue Saint, the brother of Ulysses' "girlfriend' Mercedes, goes off half-cocked to find Tiki, who he thinks killed his father years earlier.

Needless to say, they all meet up and make peace, so they can fight the real enemy... Zombie King! He also used to be Ulysses' partner I think. I had to go pee during that part and really didn't see the need to pause the film.

Zombie mayhem ensues, enhanced by liberal flashes of boobs and the occasional rockabilly song. Everything happens just like you imagine it would, only a lot more amateurishly and with worse acting and direction.

Surely it's not that expensive to borrow a Mac and some editing software and at least try to make your film look interesting. Just some flashy dissolves and playing around with the color correction could have livened it up a bit. They should have used all that money they spent on cheap special effects, because that was sure wasted. I mean, look at that poster. If half as much creativity went into the filming as went into the poster, this would be a classic.

Although it pains me, I have to rank this one on par with the Piece of Shit That Shall Not Be Named. This wasn't as offensively stupid and did have some good ideas and a couple of funny moments, but PoSTSNBN had a lot more gore. It's a trade-off. If I had to sit through one of them again, though, it would be Enter... Zombie King.